Trust

I have to admit that I am feeling so sad about Haiti. I think of streets that I know. I think of the smells of Haiti. I think of buildings. Mostly though, I think of people. I think of so many sweet-faced children. I think of my friends the Pierres and Coblentzes.

I wonder how I am going to be of help. At first I was planning my trip to go. I was ready. In fact, part of me longs to be there... to feel like I am helping the hurt and broken. I know, though, that I am not going right now. I thought perhaps we would take in one of the so many orphaned children. To a request for homes for 300 children, over 5000 people responded! I have to say PRAISE GOD that these children are so wanted by so many! I have to admit that I was a bit sad, too. For some reason, I thought that by taking care of this one hurting and alone baby would make me feel like I was doing something to help. My family was ready.

I trust God and in His plan! With aftershocks happening all of the time (6.1 this morning!), more buildings are falling, more children are being orphaned, more loss is happening. God is bigger than all of this. I pray for the workers who must be so broken-hearted and weary. Praying for them to have strength and peace in the midst of devastation. Praying for Dianne Pierre and her children coming to the states for a time. Praying for Jared and Jalayne as they are caring for others. Praying that I would be ready to accept the call of God when He has a job he wants me to do and that I would move forward boldly!

A tough one...

This has been a tough one! My heart is so heavy with the weight of what is happening in Haiti. I think of friends there. I think of their needs. I think of the fight the Haitians have in them to survive!

Yesterday marked the first and last time I became a mom. My William, who was born at week 29, was born on January 13, 1999. My Kate, who was born at week 32, was born on January 13, 2006. Want to talk about fight? William in particular had to fight to live. I reflect on those days after his birth as the worst time in my life. I remember the doctor's words, "If your son survives this, he will have to fight. If he fights to survive, he will always be a fighter."

Those of you who know my William, boy, is he a fighter! Life has not been easy for him, and he usually chooses the difficult path. Isn't he a blessing, though? I just love that kid's smile and laugh.

When I think of the devastation that has hit Haiti, I think of my William. Haiti is a country of fighters! They are tenacious! And, like my William, they have tender hearts with a lot of love.

As I have watched the horrific images of people pulling others from the rubble, people carrying bodies down the street, and of the loss, I am heartbroken for their pain. My hope is that at the end of this pain, is a refining in their spirits that will bring glory to God. Much like I pray that God has big plans for William and that his sufferings were times of refining.

Resolutions or No Resolutions?

I am not a New Year's Resolution kind of girl. Actually, I am a seasonal resolution kind of girl. I usually set some goals in the fall, winter, spring, and then summer. I like breaking it down this way to make it more achievable. I also like to evaluate how I am doing and adjust as needed. It seems like my family goals for summer are a lot different than goals in the fall.

When setting my goals, I usually categorize them. I make goals for aspects of my life: social, spiritual, mental, financial, physical. I feel like the categories help me to be specific and intentional.

So, the real question is... Do I keep my resolutions (or goals) or do I break them weeks into them? I think I do better than if I didn't make any goals. I feel like I do have more focus.

I liked reading my friend's blog this week about One Word. She decided that rather than making any New Year's resolutions that she would claim one word for her year. She chose Deliberate. I like it! Since I haven't yet made my goals for the winter (well, I have made some but not on paper), I thought about this One Word concept. Could I really get rid of my seasonal and categorical goal-settings and go with just one word for an entire year?!

I have chosen a word: Balance! I need to have more balance in my life. Balance in time with God, husband, family, friends, work , etc. I need more balance in my spending. I need balance that allows me to incorporate more exercise. I need balance that gives me time to read. You get the idea... I have been a bit out of balance lately.

Where does this leave me? Well, I think I will continue setting my seasonal goals. I think I will keep my categories. I think I will have an overall vision when setting my goals and that vision is that I am trying to seek balance. Do my goals move me forward in that, or do they clutter the picture? Are my goals realistic, or would they create an imbalance in my life in order to achieve the goals?

Balance...

Our life almost changed...

Recently Jon and I were approached about foster parenting (and then possibly adopting) a Haitian boy who is in the states for some medical treatment. Wow! What a journey we took for the past three weeks! We really learned a lesson in faith and ended in a result we just didn't expect. Here is the result:

We spent a long time on the phone with Rebekah (member of the organization and the home where Georgy currently stays) on Friday afternoon. We discussed Georgy's personality and transition to the states, our thoughts on fitting him into our family since he is older than our William, and our thoughts on a long term placement (adoption) with us.

Jon and I felt like that we were walking in God's path in being available to having Georgy in our home. We felt like each time we saw a roadblock, that God quickly provided to remedy the situation. There was another family who was also interested in hosting Georgy. This family happens to be friends with Rebekah, and therefore was able to spend some time getting to know him, to see him as he was transitioning, and also be able to commit to adoption for Georgy.

Although Jon and I thought we may be open to adopt, we were not feeling that we were being called to commit to that at this time. We wanted to remain open but wanted to protect our family, too. For us that meant a time of Georgy in our home to see how he meshed (particularly since he is just a few months older than William). We shared that and shared that we did not want to prevent Georgy from moving to a family that already knew they would adopt him.

We received information this morning that the decision has been made to place Georgy with the other family. There were some tears of sadness but also some feelings of relief. Allie in particular is a bit sad, as she has such a servant's heart.We weren't sure how this would all work out but trusted we were taking the right steps. We celebrate for the other family and hope that Georgy has a successful transition to them and is a wonderful addition to their family.

We have seen God work in some big ways these past couple weeks as we have been on this journey. Although it did not end the way we thought it would, we are thankful to have been part of the process. We continue to pray for Georgy and the Bearmans as they welcome him into their home. We feel that we were obedient and answered the call we were given and are thankful for the answer we received even if it was not what we expected.

Which one are you?

Recently the Crossing had an amazing banquet. We had 35 students meet with 300 people and tell their stories. Each student shared what their life was like before coming to the Crossing. They told of abuse, poverty, neglect, hurt, drugs, and so many other painful experiences I cannot even imagine. Our students opened their hearts and shared their pain.

Next, they told of their time at The Crossing. The students spoke of experiencing love, acceptance, success, and hope.

Finally the students shared of where they are on their journey with God. Some have accepted a relationship with Christ; others are just starting to figure it out; still others are just learning some pieces and are kind of "freaked out by all this love talk".

I don't think anyone in the room could leave without feeling touched by these students and their stories. I think they are success stories. These guests listening to our students felt so touched, they also gave large donations to continue the ministry of The Crossing. Wow!

What nobody realized is that a few students after sharing their hearts and lives, after making an impact on others, after pouring out the ugliness in their experiences, after all of that, they began stealing items. They stole an IPOD, cash, and I don't even know what else. Although we don't know who definitely took items and who did not, we do know that items were taken.

When I first heard this, I was heartbroken, sickened, and furious! How could they after people were so generously giving to us? How could they after they just shared so much of themselves? How could they with all we have been teaching them? How could they?

I know how they could... I think of the book of Hosea. Aren't we so often more like the prostitute Gomer who runs back to a life of sin and brokenness rather than remaining in God's path? Aren't we more like David who had so much but also had to have Bathsheba at all costs? If you are thinking, "I've never been a prostitute, committed adultery, or ordered someone to be killed", I would challenge your thinking. Have you really never followed sin rather than God's path? Have you really never wanted more than you were given? Have you really never been jealous of what someone else had?

After this new thought, I realized how close we are to our students. Although I am still sad that a small few made a poor decision, I think this is a huge opportunity to grow. Two steps forward, three steps backward, fall down, get up, and two steps forward, and keep going. Man, that is the Crossing story. Our job is to love them, teach them, pray for them, and stay right beside them. What an honor to help be their tourguide on their journey to God.

Where am I now, and where am I going?

I am more like Gomer than Hosea...

I am more like Saul than David...

I could very well be sitting in the belly of a fish...

Where am I going?

Thank you for each new day to choose a different path. Do I choose to be faithful, or to run back to sin? Do I choose pride, power, and authority, or do I choose humble service? Am I willing to sit in the belly of the fish, or do I want to save the lost? Where am I going?

Do we tell it like it is?

While in Chicago this past weekend, two little girls were in neighboring bathroom stalls (Sarah and Katie). The side-by-side conversation went something like this:

Katie: I love you, Sarah.
Sarah: I love you too, Katie.
Katie: I love my mom.
Sarah: I love my mom, too.
Sarah: My dad is the best.
Katie: My dad is the best, too.

Beautiful, right? Here's what I love about it, though. No matter what these three-year-olds are doing, we know how they feel. Boy, they tell it like it is! Lots of hugs, giggles, kisses, and "I love yous" are heard. Also heard are lots of, "I am mad at you! I don't like that! I am frustrated!" These girls know to express what they are feeling.

When do we start to temper that? I am not saying that we should all go around saying exactly what we feel every minute of the day, but wouldn't it be nice to have a bit more honesty in life? It seems like we are so worried about hurting someone's feelings, being too picky, or just being difficult that we don't truthfully state what we are feeling. Even worse is that we don't take the time to say a simple, "I love you" or "I think you are the best" or "I am glad you are my friend" because we are too embarrassed or don't want to look silly.

So for today... tell someone you love them, tell them how important they are, tell them that they are the best- just maybe not while going potty!