Do you ever have those months when you realize that God is working on you? As I reflect on the past month, I realize I have been under the chisel this month! So, here is what I feel like I am learning... have learned.
- I can do far more than I realized. I joined a fitness boot camp on November 1. I was ridiculously scared, freaked out that I had to leave my house by 4:45 AM every day, and intimidated beyond belief! I am not fit, not athletic, and not at all confident around those who are. Each day I faced my feelings of embarrassment, failure, and then moments of pride at accomplishment! I survived each day one at a time. Wow! In celebration of finishing, I ran a 5K on Thanksgiving day! I still get up every morning at 4:30 for a ridiculously early and challenging workout! Ouch and Wow all at one time! So, not only did I physically benefit, I mentally benefited. What a realization that even though I was throwing up (only once), even when I was crying (only twice), I still survived! I kept going! How many other things do I think I can't possibly do, but I can?
- Another lesson I learned/am learning is about being a shepherd. Who do I lead? Why do I lead them? What is my role? These are all questions I have been facing. To go along with that, I am learning about my own weaknesses. Man, I have so many! Particular areas of growth are: Servanthood, humility, purpose for task, who to trust, how to build trust, and why I am called to a task. I have been reflecting on CS Lewis' Screwtape Letters. Screwtape tells Wormwood not to focus on the big sins like murder, but rather lead the patient astray with the small sins: gossip, discontentment, selfishness, etc. Yikes. Am I guarding my heart and turning to God, the Bible, and wise (willing to really tell me the truth) Christian friends... OR, am I turning to my friends who will tell me what I want to hear, feed my negativity, and self? I have been reading the book of Nehemiah and learning so much about this. If you are looking for a couple of good sermons on this, turn to Alistair Bagg. The series is called, "Hard pressed but not Crushed." I am humbled, challenged, and growing (I hope).
The rest will have to wait until another post. I hope for a new day tomorrow. Would love to be challenged a bit less in the month of December (haha); my hope is for really growing and learning. I think that to grow and learn I may need to be challenged. Holding on tight.
